My blunder, My Blunder

WARNING: ABSOLUTE HORROR AND TEARS AHEAD

I've gone over this in my mind countless times. I keep seeing it happen and I wish I could make it stop. We've done this before. I mow the lawn, she sits quietly by the front door and watches. We've had this routine for at least 50 lawn mowings. Why did she run for the mower this time? I let go of the handle so the blades would stop as soon as I saw her coming but it was too late. I accidentally killed my dog. I am just sick about this. I screamed and lifted the killer machine off of her. Offspring #2 came out. I knew she was dead. I'll spare you the gruesome details. Offspring #2 saw her little tail wagging and thought there was still a chance but I had seen the horror and I knew. The tail wagging was the essence of Blunder - friendly and flirtatious till the very end. After a couple more wags she was done. If I could turn back time I would. If I could only rewind that last minute and save her. We were filled with shock and disbelief. We cried as we put her in a shoe box and buried her beneath the apple tree. As horrible as this accident is I am comforted knowing she didn't suffer. She was gone instantly. She had a good weekend too. I spent 20 minutes this afternoon making her pretty - brushing out all the tangles and clipping her nails. She got to sleep in the bed with Offspring #2 who was home for the weekend. If I am home alone she does not have that luxury. She had lots of lap time this weekend. I am so sorry. This was 100% my mistake. I never would have put her out there if I thought this would happen. I understand why some people drink because I could use one or twenty. I really do not want to be feeling the feelings that I am feeling. My life has changed today because her life has ended so abruptly. I am so grateful I was not alone when this happened. Offspring #2 was a huge comfort. You were a good dog Blunder. I am sorry.