If I Ever Write A Novel

I have the title all ready. The Young and Hungry, The Old and Thirsty.

Analyze This!!

A friend of mine is leaving his position to start his own business. He is opening an antique store in Howard Lake, Minnesota.  Located right on Highway 12 Tiques & Things will sell many items including several I have given him.  I'm not being especially nice. I want to declutter and he can make some money so it's a win/win thing. I am (gulp) giving away my record collection. Deep breath.  I have them loaded in my car already. I haven't listened to a record for 30 years or more so it is time to give them to someone who will appreciate them. People still buy records he told me.  I will miss them. I will miss the artwork. Back in the good old days we used to get visual art with our musical art.The following is a list of the records I am giving him.  If you think musical tastes reflect our values, well, in that case I am sunk.  Here you go: Tapestry by Carole King, Christopher Cross (the one with a flamingo on the cover), Doobie Brothers sing Taking It  To The Streets, Beatles 1967-1970, John and Yoko sing Double Fantasy, Don McLean sings Solo, The Beatles 1962-1966, Styx II, Styx Equinox, The Hissing of Summer Lawns by Joni Mitchell, Hotcakes by Carly Simon, Dream and Little Dream of Me by the Mamas and the Papas, People like Us by the Mamas and the Papas, Blondes Have More Fun by my main man, Rodney Stewart, Diamond Girl by Seals and Croft, The Missing Piece by Gentle Giant, Dream Boat Annie by Heart, two albums by Boston, Wild and Crazy Guy by Steve Martin, Blood Sweat & Tears, The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway by Genesis, Never a Dull Moment by my man Rodney, Another Passenger by Carly Simon,Grand Illusion by Styx, Atlantic Crossing by my man Rodney, Every Picture Tells A Story another classic by my man Rodney (one of his best imho), 16 Early Hits by Rodney, Night on the Town by Rodney my man, Footloose (I love you honey!) by my man Rodney, Night Moves by Bob Seger, The Best of Rod Stewart by guess who, Greatest Hits by Linda Ronstad and Smiler by my main man, Rod (the bod) Stewart.

Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells A Story lyrics (Lyric Video)

March

Take my advice and please read March by Geraldine Brooks. Why? It's a good book, that is why and also I am a bossy person on this blog. A combination of literary genres are in the book including humor, historical fiction, and romance. March is a fusion of Louisa May Alcott and Geraldine Brooks. I can't really describe it. When Louisa wrote Little Women she focused on the four girls of the family while their father went off to war and their mother left to help him when he ended up ill and in the hospital. That explains why it took me a very long time to realize the connection. Also, as I read the book one of the more irritating women in the book used a phrase that one of the more irritating women at work uses all the freaking time.  As I listened to the book on CD I heard the voice of my coworker and I pictured my irritating coworker.  I actually think this book helped me understand and appreciate my irritating coworker. I really should write Geraldine  Brooks and thank her for improving my relationships at work because irritating people are people too. They may not intend to be irritating. I hope you do not find me irritating when I repeat my advice and ask you to read this book.

The Minnesota Fair Is a Great State Fair!

I'll try to stay quiet as I guide you on a photo journey of a honkey dory day at the Minnesota State Fair. I must find some Hope butter (available at Lunds, Byerlys and some co-ops).I met family members at the dairy building. Should I carve the butter for Thanksgiving dinner this year?

I already knew Bongards was the best cheese (available at Cub).

She may be lying when she wears glasses that says I heart beef. I suspect she prefers leather over beef but I might be mistaken. I know she appreciates the beauty of a dairy or beef cow. Seriously, who has ever seen an ugly cow?

The fish pond near the DNR building. My nephew thinks the minnows look nervous.

Here I stand by some random bear. I should give it more space. Bears can be dangerous. I do not think this one is a Grizzly so I should be fine as long as I don't get between it and it's cubs. I am not sure if this is a male or a female bear but does it really make any difference? The jeans  seem very fitted and the belt buckle is unusually large. I don't know if it's appropriate to ask a bear, "Have you been working out?"

Not just anyone gets to go upstairs at the DNR building. The sign says "Employees Only" but volunteers are welcome too.

Real or Memorex? At least one of these is a poser.

Most people take pictures of their food before they eat it but I was hungry. Mushroom and Swiss crepes are to die for.

See that woman wearing a beautiful emerald green costume? She is an emerald ash borer. She gets to talk to people. Smokey only gets to wave, dance,gesture or shrug. People can say whatever they want to Smokey and there is not a darn thing the bear can say. I am less comfortable with that vow of silence now than I used to be. Emerald brings out my green eyes. Hmmmmmm, something to think about.

I do like going upstairs in the DNR building though. Only the elite get to use the bathroom and the shower upstairs. Smokey gets a free bottle of Gatorade.

So many really cool people go to the Minnesota State Fair. A sibling of mine goes to the state fair every single day it is open; every year. She or he tries to get a picture taken with the state fair mascot. By the way, the state fair mascot is not Goldy Gopher. I was unaware. The state fair has two mascots. I have a photo of my sibling with a big smile on his the face sitting on a golf cart with the two mascots in the background. I asked if I could use the photograph and he the sibling said no. I can respect that decision. I have the image on my phone and might use it for blackmail leverage in the future.

I did not know we have more pigs than people in our state. The fact kinda makes me nervous. Have you ever read Animal Farm?

The biggest boar is such a looker! A trip to the dentist would help though because I noticed some plaque.

Look at the beautiful pattern of this cowhide! I am no Cruella de Ville but I would wear a coat of this pattern.

OMG! I found a woodpecker! A Pilieated woodpecker.  I just had to introduce myself. I am friendly that way.

And as I left I said, "See you later Woody. Ha ha ha HA ha!" I crack myself up.

I really like this mosaic. I took a picture to steal the idea.

And this picture was intriguing. You will never guess who is behind the curtain!  LOL

After 11 hours of fair going we headed toward home. I have not enjoyed a fair this much for 20 years. That is my in the orange (favorite color) rain poncho. The rain came suddenly and came down hard. The streets had deep streams of water some of which were 5 inches deep. The rain felt good and was helpful in cleaning the cow pie off my blue shoes.

I don't know if you can see it but in the sky is a plane towing a message.  The message says Surrender Dorothy call Linda Latino or something like that and also it had a phone number. Is this a new way to find a date? I do not know. Thank you for viewing my photo essay of my day at the state fair. I hope I didn't talk too much.

Busy Day Today

Two Funerals In Two Weeks

One funeral was in New York Mills, Minnesota. The other was in Blaine, Minnesota. Both funerals were Lutheran. Both offered meals after the service. Both had a minister and music and readings. Both were people who lived long past the normal life expectancy. Both were loved by family and friends. Both gave their time and talent back to the people in their community. Both were intelligent, kind, and caring people who were successful in raising a family and providing for the needs of that family. Both worked very hard and came from poverty. Both suffered and both succeeded. One, a woman, was 100% Finnish extraction. She loved saunas and Finnish culture. She watched the birds and loved to fish and garden. The other, a man, was born in Germany. His parents saw the writing on the wall in Berlin before the war. They sent their 7 year old boy to Switzerland with his slightly older sister to live with strangers. When the money stopped coming from Berlin he assumed they died. He was right. They were exterminated in Auschwitz. He was sent to Iowa by a Lutheran relief agency and became an American. He loved books and drama and nature. Both were patriotic. I felt it an honor to attend both funerals. 

Pranked Again?

I admit I can be a gullible person or a skeptical gullible person if that combination is possible. I got an email from someone named Orange Sue on my yahoo account. I do not know anyone named Orange Sue. The email read (I am not making this up, it is cut and paste except for one person's name) 

Hello Susan,

I updated Xxxxxx's Requirement Term to Fall 2017 and he should have GPAS access now.

Please let me know if you have any question or need more assistance.

Regards,

Kate

I looked again. I know a Kate or two but this did not sound like the Kate's I know. I looked three times and saw that this email is a string of 7 emails back and forth but all from people with the email of umn.edu. That is the email address of people who work at the University of Minnesota. I thought it was a prank! Was that wrong? Last year I read a book called Dear Committee Members which I thought was a hilarious book. The book was a series of emails from college profs to other college profs. The sarcasm was as sharp as a newly sharpened knife. The writing style was just like this email. And the closing of regards cracks me up. Regards? Why not Very truly yours or Sincerely or a less formal Thanks and have a great weekend?  Those are the closings I use on my emails.  I should say used to use because now all my professional emails end with Regards, Sue.  Anyway, I guess I was wrong. This wasn't a prank. Surprise! Surprise! Before I knew it wasn't a prank I responded with this (again with the cut and paste):

Hello Orange Sue

I, too, am Orange Sue. But I am not in your field of work and cannot understand the acronyms in your field of work. I am pretty sure this message was not meant for me even though I am Orange Sue and have been Orange Sue since 1953.

In any case, I hope this message was meant for you, the other Orange Sue.

Perhaps we can get coffee sometime? Might be fun!

Sincerely yours (and not ironically),

Orange Sue

The other orange Sue didn't seem to appreciate my friendly response. She ignored me. I do not like to be ignored.  So I sent another email to her and asked if she had ever read Dear Committee Members. She ignored me again! Even though I was busy I forwarded the series of emails to one of my offspring. Darn kids are smarter than me. I am embarrassed sometimes at how much those babies now know better than I ever did (so far). My child reminded me that someone might be in trouble for sharing private data. A light bulb suddenly showed above my head. Maybe this wasn't a prank after all? I see now that if this was a prank it was a very literal prank that no one except a reader of Dear Committee Members would get. My new suspicions were confirmed when I got this email from another unknown employee from the fine university in Minneapolis, Minnesota (where I attended for two years before I transferred to Saint Cloud State University) (again with the cut and paste):

Hello,

On August 14, 2017 you received an email with the subject line “FW: Xxxxxxxxxxxxx into the GPAS system”. Thank you for alerting us that you had received this message. This email was sent in error and we respectfully request you delete the message, and confirm deletion with us.

If you have question regarding this matter, please contact Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Director of Continuity & Compliance, at Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@umn.edu or 867-4309

We appreciate your cooperation.

Regards,

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Business Analyst 2 | Academic Advisem

So now I know I guessed wrong.  This email was not a prank but a strange case of serendipity (one of my all-time favorite words). I am open to suggestions on my next step in this strange turn of events.

Regards,

Orange Sue

Great Customer Service

New! Shiny!

Hot soapy water! Clean bowls. Such luxury!

I got the name of my new plumber from the plumbing desk at Menards. Steve Murphy works for Riverside Plumbing in Fridley. He lives north of me and he appears to be an honest, upstanding solid citizen in my community. His # is 612-889-7698.  Unlike some other plumbers I have hired in previous home repairs, Steve admired me for trying to repair a leaky kitchen faucet. He applauds my failed attempt to save money. He suggested it was not a failed attempt because that sonofagun faucet was in there extremely tight; so tight he had to use a sawsall. He laughed at my jokes. He explained things thoroughly and I never once felt stupid. He convinced me to wait until the weekday. When I said I didn't want to use my vacation time he agreed to come at a time convenient for me. He ended up coming twice. He told me what to buy at Menards to save money instead of buying it from him. He gave me compliments. He never once was condescending to me.  He never once gave of a creepy vibe that I have felt before from a different local plumbing company. I have 3 of his business cards that will give you a $25 referral coupon. Let me know if you are interested.

Quick and Easy Installation of Moen kitchen sink faucet

If I were to instruct others on changing a cartridge of a Moen kitchen faucet I would not use the words quick nor easy.

I would be encouraging but not misleading. While saving money is admirable there is a reason plumbers have an occupation.

I would include information on all the tools that are needed for the task. Screwdrivers,allen wrenches and pliers will be necessary.

I would not include my fear of turning off the water to the entire house by going into the (shudder) dreaded well room in my lower level. I call it the well room because my well is in that room.  The door to the well room is so small I have to lie prone and turn my shoulders sideways to get the upper half of my body in there.

That blue tank behind the pipes is part of the well.  That other stuff in there such as that lamp and blue box have not been seen by human eyes for nigh on 20 years.

I would not include this pressure switch in my sink faucet youtube video. I remember buying this and it seems important so I will keep it. I can distinctly remember a 6 a.m. phone call from my father where I asked, "Square D?" and he said, "Yes, Square D." He was still working at this time so he was up early.

Old toys found in the well room would not be included in the instructions.

Offspring #1's artwork would not be included in my version of a youtube video of the installation of a kitchen sink faucet Moen cartridge but I do like the Gary Larson feel of this piece featuring a person inside a rocket ship whose finger hovers above the ejection seat button . The caption reads "Hey, wonder what this does?" Quality work here for a child but not important to the task at hand.

I would not include what I wear as I crawl into the well room because it is not pertinent.

Most homes have shut off valves under their kitchen sink anyway. My home and the plumbing in my home rank with the unusual. Yes I had to displace 2000 spiders and their homes of web but that is not important. Also my relief that I found zero mice and zero snakes is unimportant.

What is important are the many steps to removing the faucet.

Pictures of each step are important.

The fellow in the video set his parts on the counter.  I set my parts in a cereal bowl where they would  be safe and ready to be reinstalled without problems.

I ended up watching the video 8 times.  I did not notice until the 8th viewing that he said he had to stand on the counter  top to get the leverage needed to pull out the cartridge. If he had included an image of him standing on the counter top I would have noticed sooner. I was confused because he said to stand on the counter top and pull while the Moen instructions warned that the cartridge might come out fast and not to put your head above the cartridge while pulling. I am not a plumber but that sounds physically impossible. I really think he should have stated up front that he had already finished the job successfully before he actually videotaped a reenactment.

In my video I would add the important fact that if you pull too hard and use too many tools you can break that Moen kitchen sink faucet cartridge 1225B. I would add that you might have to run to Menards even though you had everything the instructions said you needed. I would add that emergency plumber phone numbers, new cartridges, new faucets, shut off valves and 3/8 x 1/2 braided supply lines (you need two) are also available. I would add that a week in August is a good month to attempt this home repair for 3 reasons. One, you can get 11% refund at Menards this week. Two, plenty of rain in the rain barrel assists in flushing the toilet for three and a half days. Three, you can filter the water from the dehumidifier to rinse your dishes and ironically drink the water that drips from the sink you tried to stop from dripping. Steve from River City Plumbing says I am a survivalist. He's coming back later at 4:30 to install my new Moen kitchen sink faucet. I saved big money at Menards!

Eclipsed!

I did not take this picture of the eclipse. The credit belongs to NASA. Personally the eclipses don't really interest me except I like to know they are coming.  If I were outside and the sun eclipsed I might suspect the end of the world is at hand. Offspring #2 invited me to travel to see the eclipse. The original destination was South Carolina which was handy because a family member lives there. That plan fell through. The second destination was Missouri and involved camping and driving all night to be back for work on Tuesday. I declined. I am too feeble to keep up with this child of mine. Due to clouds and rain the eclipse was not seen here or in Missouri. I do remember a time when I did see a solar eclipse. Our whole elementary school class went outside with boxes of some sort. We were warned not to look at the sun directly or our eye balls would be burned out. I was a compliant student and, frankly, I was terrified of burning my eye balls. I looked in the box as the shadow passed across the sun. I stood in the playground with my white short sleeved blouse with the Peter Pan collar, my brown and red plaid jumper, my white anklets and brown oxfords. That was my uniform at the time and I still think it's a cute combination.  I should see if I can get another brown plaid jumper at Target or on Amazon. My hair was in a "pixie." The eclipse was not a "path of totality" for me but I was glad to go outside for a change. I still remember the moment so I know it had some impact on the younger version of myself. We had very little experiential learning available at my school in those days and to this day I prefer to learn my experience.

I Am A Critic

I am repairing my kitchen faucet. It's a simple matter of replacing the cartridge; a fast and easy fix. Years ago I took a community education course on household plumbing so I feel confident I can take care of this. I contacted the manufacturer of the faucet and got great customer service from Moen. They sent me a Moen cartridge 1225b in the mail at no charge. I feel good having the cartridge because now I know I won't have to make a trip to Menards during the job. Observe the youtube video below. I think I will make my own fix it youtube video because I noticed a few improvements that could be helpful. But first, watch his.

I Bought A Paper

I bought a copy of my local newspaper, The Anoka Herald, last night.This was the first time this century that I bought this particular paper. In the previous century I bought it quite often. I even had a subscription for the Herald for a few years. You may wonder why I bought one for a dollar last night. The clerk at Bill's Gas station also wondered. Questioning minds want to know. I will explain. The front cover of the Herald was mostly blank space.I admire the marketing of a blank page and fell for it just like I buy Brawny paper towels (the handsome hipster), and some kind of dog food that upset Ruby's tummy (more bark for your buck.) Newspapers all over the country also made the front page blank with the exception of four words and three dots .. .  The four words in headline sized font and all capitals are "IMAGINE THERE'S NO NEWSPAPER . . . "  Can you imagine no newspaper? The thing is I can imagine no newspaper. I bought this newspaper and I am going to save it in the drawer with the other newspaper I saved from the day Princess Diana married her prince. I will surely make a fortune selling these two newspapers someday. I used to subscribe to the Saint Paul Pioneer Press and I remember when that paper came in the morning and another edition in the afternoon. In college my roommates preferred the Minneapolis Star so I read that too. I preferred the Saint Paul comics for many years but I enjoyed both newspapers. I subscribed daily for 20 years, maybe more. Then I quit the subscription because of the cost. I bought Sunday editions of both the Saint Paul paper and the Minneapolis paper at the grocery store. Then the Minneapolis paper published an article that made me angry so I vowed never to buy it again. I also appreciate the Parkers Prairie Independent. I recently read a very good article in that paper about tourism. I like it for nostalgic reasons too because as a child I sat by my paternal grandmother and she read the society news to me. One of her friends had visitors from the Twin Cities. I came to visit her from the same Twin Cities and at that moment I realized I could someday be important enough to be mentioned in the newspaper. That was a moment! I also like the newspaper from Iowa. What is the best thing to come out of Iowa? Highway 35 and The Storm Lake Times. I read an excellent article about genetically modified foods in the Storm Lake Times after I heard they won the Pulitzer prize. Seriously, who has time to read newspapers anymore? All the ads bother me. I do not enjoy shopping. I have too much stuff now. Isn't it a greener choice to get my news online? Aren't I saving the trees? But what will I use to line the bottom of my canary cage?  I am too busy relieving my curiosity itches with Wikepedia and Google searches to take the time to read a newspaper. Newspaper articles are not in depth enough for me. By the way, I almost always go to the third page of Google and not the first page just because I feel like Google is stalking me and trying to learn all about me. I get this impression because my new phone keeps asking for my Google email password and stuff I browse on the ethernet shows up in the ads on various websites. I get paranoid when I search for a picture of an old fashioned telephone for a power point presentation at work and then I see that same rotary phone in the ad next to my personal emails when I am home at the kitchen table. Freaks. Me. Out. How does Google know where I live? What about personal privacy? Isn't privacy a right? I think I now regret mailing a test tube of my saliva to 23 & Me. On the other hand, I would not connect with my cousin who lives in Bangor, Maine and had a sister-in-law who sold a dog to Stephen King with a newspaper. Yeah, that is right, Stephen King has or once had a Corgi dog!!! And Stephen King once chatted with my very own cousin on my mother's side in the Bangor Mall about Little League! I am keeping this blank newspaper. Just like my Dad showed me a square nail hand forged by his father, I will show my Sicilian grandchildren one of the very last newspapers ever printed.

Isn't It Funny?

I can spend money at the salon on my hair.  I can spend $40, $60, $80 and even $100 and nobody notices. I get an impulse and swerve into Great Clips, spend $15 and leave a $5 tip and everybody compliments me! Isn't that funny?

Bumble Bee Bumble Bee

I stumbled upon this professional portrait of me and a certain Sicilian child today. At first I thought it wasn't the best portrait of me. I am not even looking at the camera. Taken only 3 months ago I look at the child and she has a big grin on her face.  Her mouth is open and smiling. Even her eyes smile. She is having a happy moment. On second thought this is a great portrait of me because it's obvious who is making this child smile.  The fact that she feels safe on the futon next to me is hugely important and sacred. Our bond is obvious. This picture was taken after two solid hours of a pretty good photographer taking all the attention away from the this child who is just a few days into the role of big sister. She still isn't sure she wants to be a big sister yet and it has been three months.  So although I am not looking at the camera,I am glad this photo was taken because it shows I valued the child more than the picture.  However, given the fact that I still have a red, hot swollen lump under my arm from a bee sting the other day, how can it not be ironic that at the moment this photo was taken I was threatening this child with a dramatic reading of, "Bumble bee, bumble bee, coming from the barn,going to get Eva right under the arm!"

Update on WWIII with the pollinators. I am still alive. The lawn mower stands alone in the dark and the rain. My war injuries greatly benefit from the Benadryl (oral and creme form). I have some pain, redness, swelling and heat but am much improved.

I believe the battle is over. I found one more pollinator inside my territory but he was deceased when I found him. Proper burial will commence.

I will not destroy my enemy. I attacked first. This ground nest wasn't even in the mowed area. Ironically I was trying to make it a better yard for pollinators by mowing down some short buckthorn when this nest became collateral damage. I offer my hand in peace. I might put up a memorial for the enemy, a sign that reads "Men At Work."  I am determined to be the bigger person in our peace negotiations. Actually I am lucky to only 3 bites and none to the face. When the war began I was wearing shoes, socks, farmer bibs, hat, and long sleeved hooded shirt. Only my face,neck and collarbones were exposed. My wounds are easily hidden. I am lucky.

Photo of war casualty on knitted bathroom rug. Very sad. By the way those other pictures display another worry for me. I grew bird house gourds in my garden. The vines with their crazy strong tendrils were trying to strangle my sunflowers and tomato plants. I prevented murder by plants. I cut them back and left a good 30 feet on the grass to die. Three sections of vine refused to die. The severed vines lived and actually flowered without roots like decapitated chickens running around the chicken coop. My yard is a yard of horror. Again, I beg of you, please check on my welfare routinely. Like Pat Benatar sings, "Love is a battlefield."