Have you ever been asked a question that is not really a question? This happened to me today. An assertive (sometimes aggressive) coworker asked me a question and it sounded like a question but it wasn't. I know her. When she says, "Do you think it will be all right if I do something different from what people expect without warning?" I know she's not really asking my opinion. I know from our history together, her body language, and the volume of her voice that this is a series of questions guaranteed to back me into her corner. She wants me to agree with her. She has already thought this through. She has anticipated my possible responses. She has all the rebuttals prepared to any concerns I express. Her voice, usually loud, is already extra loud and extra forceful. I've been the on this group for about 20 years and I've never heard that anyone had a problem with how we were doing it before. Saying that won't help this situation. As much as I don't like her approach, the truth is, she might be right. Besides, how big a deal is it? So today, I try a different approach. I mentally smooth my feathers down, take a deep breath, and deflate my ego. I don't play. I honestly answer, "I don't know, never thought about it before." I can see this throws her off. So she asks, "What will the other committee members think of this?" Again, I don't play. I answer, "I don't know. I am only one person on the committee." With this particular coworker, what seems like a question really isn't a question because in her mind, there is only one right response. A real question about my opinion can have more than one correct answer. I don't like feeling cornered. That compels me to think about the questions I ask of others. Do I ask true questions? Am I open to opinions?
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