Your Barn Door Is Open - or - XYZ!!!

Top Ten Most Polite Ways to Say Your Zipper Is Down...by David Letterman
10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars...but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.
And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is unzipped...
1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

None of the above seem very polite to me. The most polite way to tell someone their zipper is open is what my college roommates did for me as my date arrived one evening at our apartment in St. Cloud. I was so psyched for this date - some guy from Iowa, I don't remember his name. He had a beard though, I do remember that. I'm still attracted to men with facial hair. Anyway, I bought a new outfit for my date. I had bell bottom jeans with a high waist, a snap, and a zipper. I was wearing a brand new bright yellow ribbed turtleneck and a blue and yellow plaid shirt over that. I thought I was looking hot. My date arrived and was sitting on the chair. My roommate asked if we wanted a drink. I said, "No, I'm good, we're going to get going." She said, "You look like you need a glass of water, I'll be right back." I thought she was crazy. She brought back a glass of water and put a napkin under the glass next to me. As I reached for the water, I read these words written on the napkin: your fly is open! I look down and lo and behold that yes, the zipper is open, wide open. The right teeth of the zipper are at least an inch away from the left teeth of the zipper and my white cotton underwear are glowing in the dark room. With my mouth full of water I contemplate - is there a cool way to handle this situation? I swallow. I can't think of any so I put the water down and pull that zipper up without saying a word. I say, "Thanks for the water, we're going to get going now." Didn't I have the greatest college roommates?