Mom

I went to a baby shower on Saturday.  Our hostess asked us to go around the room and give the expectant mother some advice on how or how not to raise children.  The first person to speak suggested the mother not let temper tantrums get the child what he or she wanted.  I was next.  I wasn't prepared at all to give advice so I told what I thought was a funny story about Offspring #2's one and only temper tantrum at a local grocery store.  Her tantrum was so out of character for her that I thought it was funny and gave her advice on how to have a truly, meaningful temper tantrum.  Tantrums are not as much fun when your Mom is telling you how to have it.  Other people gave advice.  One suggestion was to do what pleased you (as  a Mom) and to disregard all other advice.  One person suggested to use threats only if you are willing to follow through on them.  One person suggested she encourage her child to read.  In thinking it over, most of the advice to this expectant Mom was about boundaries.  I think boundaries are the most difficult part of motherhood.  At first there are no boundaries; the child is literally inside you.  When you drink caffeine the baby feels it.  After birth the baby is so dependent on the Mom that the Mom can only sleep when the baby is sleeping. Their food comes from the mother's breasts and if Mom eats broccoli the baby gets gas.  As toddlers the boundaries shift more as the mother allows their children to make mistakes and learn from them.  Boundaries change big time the first time the child climbs the steps of the school bus.  But who is responsible for a kindergartener's homework?  The parents are.  Gradually homework responsibility changes to the kid before they get to college.  Boundaries for a mother are hard because they're so fluid. Being a mother is like playing a board game without the instructions or the rules.  We learn from our mistakes.  People's expectations of mothers are also fluid.  A mother might be judged if a first grader comes to school in dirty or tattered clothing but not as much as a high school senior who comes to school in dirty or tattered clothing.  In my opinion, a good mother is not one who never makes a mistake.  A good mother is one who continues to learn from her mistakes.  Motherhood is not a science.  We aim at a goal but do not arrive there in a straight trajectory; we continually make adjustments to our course.  Being a Mom is difficult but rewarding.