You Can't Pour Water From An Empty Cup

Last night my grief group met again and the topic this week was self-care. The speaker was very engaging.  Her advice was all things I have heard before.  Eat  right. Drink water. Exercise. Sleep. Get rest. Relax. Try to have fun. Spend time in nature. Avoid harsh environments (which is why I don't watch the news on television). Be kind to yourself. Accept your feelings. Seek support. Manage stress. I have heard all that before yet it was a good reminder because the consequences of not taking care of yourself can be expensive. She talked about people ending up in the hospital with stress related illnesses. One piece of advice that I hadn't heard  before is to embrace joy without guilt. Sometimes laughing feels wrong when we think  we should be sad. But if the chance to feel joy comes around, grab that feeling and hold on to it tight because it feels good  and won't last forever. As much as I get out of listening to the speaker, the hour spent in a small group is my favorite. The four of us who have lost siblings are able to speak freely and honestly about some very difficult and painful things. I walk out of this group feeling comforted knowing I am doing what I can to take care of myself.

Spinach Cake

Twenty five  years ago I got a recipe for Greek spinach pie from a friend of mine.  Over the years I have changed the recipe and improved the taste and the nutrition.  Instead of a pie crust in a pie pan, I use a wild rice crust in a cake pan. Here is my recipe for spinach cake:
Ingredients for the crust: 1 cup wild rice, 1 egg, 1/4 cup grated parmesean cheese
Method for the crust: Prepare the wild rice with two cups of water. Mix the cooked rice with the egg and the cheese and spread it in a 9x13 cake pan.
Ingredients for the cake: 2 bunches fresh spinach, 1 red onion diced, 4 cloved of fresh garlic diced, 3 ribs  celery diced, 1 package baby bella mushrooms chopped, 3 eggs, 1 cup grated colby cheese, 6 ounces feta cheese crumbled into pieces, 1 tablespoon whole fennel seed, 1 tablespoon basil, 1 tablespoon parsley, 1 tsp salt, 1 tsp black pepper
Method for the cake: tear the stems off of the spinach. Rinse the spinach in the sink three  times. Microwave the spinach for 5 minutes with a tablespoon of water. When the spinach cools, squeeze the moisture out with your hands. (Offspring #2 used to call this  recipe washrag pie). Using a kitchen shears, cut the spinach into pieces. Saute the onions, celery, mushrooms, and garlic in a frying pan. Mix the sauted vegies with the spinach, the eggs, the cheeses, and the spices. Mix well and spread it over the wild rice crust. Bake in the oven at 350 for an hour. Enjoy!

Birding By Train

Today we took a birding trip on a train through the Tiffany Bottoms near the Chippewa River near Durand, Wisconsin which is pretty much east of Winona. The train runs on a narrow gauge track through the swamps and flood plains. We sat on open cars and luckily the weather was beautiful. Our train left at 7:30 and we got back to our cars about noon.

We stopped several times to get off the train and explore. We saw hooded mergansers, yellow rumped warblers, Mallards, Trumpeter swans, Eastern Towhee, song sparrows, field sparrows, white throated sparrows, tree swallows, rough winged swallows, Ruby crowned kinglets, spotted sandpipers, northern water thrush, pileated woodpeckers, broad winged hawks, bald eagles, turkey vultures, rubins, blue jays, black capped chickadees and a kingfisher. I heard an oven bird but did not see it.

One of the train cars had a porta potty on it. At the end of the line they served grilled brats, chips, apples, cookies and water. I started out the day wearing snow pants and quite a few layers. By the time we got off the train I had taken most of my layers off. I had an extremely relaxing morning sitting on the train, dangling my feet over the edge, looking for birds with my binoculars and just relaxing. We saw lots of wild flowers along the tracks in pretty shades of white and pink and purple and yellow. The trees have not leafed out yet so we can see pretty far into the swamp and up to the nearby bluffs. This driftless area of Wisconsin is especially beautiful. I had such a good time today getting away from the everyday hassles of life and work and home that I decided I would definitely do this again. These trains fill up so if you want to go you need to sign up well in advance.  

Amazeballs

Yesterday I had a busy day. I worked. I swam. I visited. I went to a park with my grand girls. There is a special dog named Mo who lives right up the hill from this park so I called and asked to borrow Mo. I got Mo. My daughter-in-law had to run to the car so at one point of the lovely afternoon I was multi-tasking like a pro. I stood in front of two girls on swings pushing them higher and higher while also stepping on Mo's leash so he would not wander off. I was so impressed with my talents I said, "Grandma is amazeballs." Well, of course that statement got repeated and I over reacted, as I tend to do. When my daughter-in-law walked back to the swings she heard her daughter say, "Grandma is amazeballs." She looked at me with raised eye brows. What could I say? There is no denying it. I am amazeballs.

The Possibilities

Years ago I watched a movie named The Decendents with George Clooney. The movie was set in Hawaii and George was the father of three kids whose wife was in a coma. Kaui Hart wrote that novel and this novel, The Possibilities. In this story the main character is Sarah who is grieving the loss of her young adult son. She lives in Breckenridge, Colorado with her father. The relationship between Sarah and her father is very amusing. Sarah's friendship with Suzanne is not as amusing but still tender.  All the characters in the book are well meaning and quirky. This novel about grief somehow manages to be funny and entertaining.

Ten Years!

Last night I got a letter in the mail from the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency thanking me for monitoring streams for ten years.  Ten Years? Wow, I didn't think I was doing this for ten years. When I first started monitoring I would get presents in the mail like a hat or a mug or a binder. Now the letter  states that the volunteers said  they don't need  physical gifts like that so we just get a letter.  That is fine with me. There is an appreciation gathering and I have attended a couple of those in the past.  I  might go again this year if it's convenient for me. I think the MPCA does a good job appreciating the volunteer efforts compared to some other agencies I have dealt  with. I think it's nice to have a reason to view a stream every week.  Spilling water on my shoes isn't so fun.

Dual Process Model

Last night I went to another grief group.  Years ago I  learned the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). I thought I was supposed to go through these five stages like stairs on a staircase. Once I got to the third step of bargaining I thought I could not be angry anymore. But that isn't how grief worked for me. I felt all five of those things but not in order and not just once.  Now there is a new model of grief that allows for oscillation. Sometimes my grief is loss oriented. Intrusive memories jump into my head sometimes when they are not welcome. Sometimes I still recount all the things I have lost. On the other hand, I also have restoration oriented grief. I pay attention to  how lucky I am to  be here on this planet, to  see the signs of spring, to enjoy the rain on my face  or the sun on my back. Good moments are followed by hard moments followed by good moments. Instead of five stages of grief I go through a grief polka dance never knowing what is going to happen next. This dual process explanation seems more realistic because grief isn't the same from one person to the next. The other part of the lesson last night was about reasonable hope. Unlike the classic idea of hope (like rainbows and butterflies and Pollyanna), reasonable hope is the feeling that even though I am grieving and trying to make sense of what has happened, the future is open, uncertain, yet manageable.  We were warned to watch for triggers. Anniversaries are triggers for some people. The speaker lost his grandson on the 28th of a month. Every month he suffers on the 28th day. Even though he knows he will suffer on the 28th, he is able to celebrate and enjoy some of that day. It might be unreasonable to hope not to suffer on the 28th of the month but it is reasonable for him to hope not to suffer all day long. Sometimes people die but life goes on.  Many people in this grief class have attended these sessions twice a year many, many times. They hear the same speaker yet claim they get something different out of the talk because they are in a different spot in their lives. I guess I can see how that could work.  I am not sure I want to go more than once though. We are told it is good to open up and share our stories. One disadvantage to that is the response of others to hearing your pain. Sometimes they respond by dumping out their pain on you which can be overwhelming when you are already stressed out. We were told that when that happens it is fine to say, "I have to stop you there. I appreciate your sharing but I am unable to hear that today. I look forward to hearing your story another time." I would never have thought up that response on my own so that right there made my time well spent. Some times I think I don't want to go to this group.  I have other things to do. I like to start slowing down at 8 p.m.; not sitting in a room talking about sadness and death. But when I leave the group at 9 p.m. and head home, I have been glad I went. I guess I will go a few more times.