My blunder, My Blunder

WARNING: ABSOLUTE HORROR AND TEARS AHEAD

I've gone over this in my mind countless times. I keep seeing it happen and I wish I could make it stop. We've done this before. I mow the lawn, she sits quietly by the front door and watches. We've had this routine for at least 50 lawn mowings. Why did she run for the mower this time? I let go of the handle so the blades would stop as soon as I saw her coming but it was too late. I accidentally killed my dog. I am just sick about this. I screamed and lifted the killer machine off of her. Offspring #2 came out. I knew she was dead. I'll spare you the gruesome details. Offspring #2 saw her little tail wagging and thought there was still a chance but I had seen the horror and I knew. The tail wagging was the essence of Blunder - friendly and flirtatious till the very end. After a couple more wags she was done. If I could turn back time I would. If I could only rewind that last minute and save her. We were filled with shock and disbelief. We cried as we put her in a shoe box and buried her beneath the apple tree. As horrible as this accident is I am comforted knowing she didn't suffer. She was gone instantly. She had a good weekend too. I spent 20 minutes this afternoon making her pretty - brushing out all the tangles and clipping her nails. She got to sleep in the bed with Offspring #2 who was home for the weekend. If I am home alone she does not have that luxury. She had lots of lap time this weekend. I am so sorry. This was 100% my mistake. I never would have put her out there if I thought this would happen. I understand why some people drink because I could use one or twenty. I really do not want to be feeling the feelings that I am feeling. My life has changed today because her life has ended so abruptly. I am so grateful I was not alone when this happened. Offspring #2 was a huge comfort. You were a good dog Blunder. I am sorry.

Which Super Power Would You Choose?

For me, there is no question, I'd choose to fly. I used to dream about flying. And today, I felt like I flew on my motorcycle. Before leaving, I mapped my route and wrote the directions on my hand. Lesson learned - write the directions on top of your hand, not the palm. Gripping the handlebars makes the writing unreadable. So I got lost. And that was OK. Back in the early 1970's, I got lost all the time. My goal was to get lost and then find my way home again. I was a newly licensed driver with my own car and gas was way cheaper than it is now. Today reminded me of those carefree times. Towns I passed while being lost and getting home again - Oak Grove, Forest Lake, Hugo, Wyoming, Stacy, North Branch, Harris, Rush City, Braham, Stanchfield, Grandy, Cambridge, Walbo, Bradford (where I bought my bike in the first place), St. Francis, and home. Miles - 130. Time flying 3.5 hours. Fun - immeasurable.

Another Kind of Crack

You've heard of plumber's butt, I'm sure, the vertical smile, etc. And maybe you've heard of toe butt. I first heard of it at a sibling's wedding where the bride and the maid of honor were comparing their feet and admiring their toe butts. I added a photo that sort of shows what I mean. Toe butt is when a woman wears a shoe that barely covers the toes plus the shoe pinches the toes together and the skin forms a crack where the big toe separates from the next toe. Anyway, this morning, while getting ready for work, I was astride my motorcycle putting on my helmet. The helmet has a strap that fastens under the chin with a "D" fastener. The strap goes through both silver "D's" and then comes back through one of them. I pulled it tight and attempted to snap the excess amount of strap so it wouldn't slap me in the face. I struggled to get the snap fastened. I used the mirror on my motorcycle to see what I was doing. To my absolute horror, I saw a neck butt. Possibly it was a chin butt but I was too horrified to look close. I thought my skin got pinched because I pulled the helmet strap too tight but no, it wasn't pinched. When I have the helmet on securely, the excess skin on my wattle forms a definite butt crack. Oh, the joys of aging!!!

Police Blotter

Direct quote from the Star Tribune police blotter for the city of Coon Rapids: Disturbing the Peace. A complaint was received that the kids are screaming at the New Horizon child care center in the 13100 block of Riverdale Drive NW. The noise is disturbing his cat.

Just so you know, as a child I was a screamer. There was nothing finer than spending a summer afternoon in the playhouse in the back yard screaming in unison until our ears rang. After a few minutes of screaming, we'd get our voices to blend and harmonize together. It was great. We weren't screaming about any particular topic. We weren't upset. We weren't especially happy. We weren't even screaming for ice cream. We screamed for the joy of screaming. My cousin's wife was complaining about her neighbor's kids screaming so I told her (in detail) how much I enjoyed it as a child. She gave me this priceless look - a combination of skepticism, distaste, disbelief, and wondering if I was putting her on. I wasn't making it up. She is a little tightly wound so I enjoy pushing her buttons just a little bit.

Work Out Value

For the past several months, on Tuesday nights, I've been working out for a half hour on the Nu Step recumbent step machine. I started out slow but I'm up to a half hour now on difficulty level 6. I can get my heart rate up around 115. I usually keep the steps per minute to around 200. I'm really working it. My legs and arms are pumping and I am working up a sweat. It's fun and I feel great when it's over. I can breathe deeper and this exercise doesn't aggravate my back like walking does. This machine has digital readouts and I am not familiar with everything. Basically I get on and start working out and the machine turns on and tells me how long I have worked, how many steps I'm stepping per minute. The machine also tells me one of four other things - total steps, total watts or total calories. This last week, it was set on calories. So guess how many calories I burned off during 30 minutes of nu stepping? A lousy 118 calories, that is how many. This can't be accurate. I am so disappointed. I looked up other activities that burn off 118 calories and I found I could burn just as many is 30 minutes of table tennis, or an hour of getting dressed, an hour of ice fishing, or an hour of doodling in the margin!!!! 118 is nothing. I felt like I had burned off at least 300 to 400 calories. For 118 calories, I can eat 3/4 cup of apple Cinnamon cheerios. I don't like apple Cinnamon cheerios. Other things I can eat for 118 calories? A pork chop (don't eat meat). A glass of Cabernet sauvignon (don't drink). A cup of fruit loops (Ewww). A serving of split pea soup (Ewww). A persimmon (never tried one, the name sounds sour). One medium sweet potato. One cup of orange juice. One half cup chow mein noodles. From now on, if that machine shows calories, I'll ask for someone to show me how to turn it back to total steps or total watts. Watching the calories burn off, one by one, is just too discouraging. After the nu step, I lift weights for another 45 minutes or so. I walk out of that place feeling great - it must be the endorphins brought on by the exercise. On a brighter note, I put 60 miles on the motorcycle today. I rode to work. Then I had a meeting in Anoka followed by a lunch meeting at Applebees and back to work before heading home. When I got to my street, I wasn't ready to be done riding yet. If I didn't have responsibilities like a dog waiting to go to the bathroom, I would have kept on traveling. I'm really enjoying riding. The posture of leaning forward with my weight on the handlebars is really comfortable on my back. When I got home I took the dog out for a walk while I pedaled the non-motorized bicycle. Lately, the bike has been harder and harder to pedal. I thought I was getting weak or sick. I checked the brakes to see if they were gripping the tires - they weren't. I could barely make it up a hill and it wasn't any fun at all. When I got home I checked the air pressure in the tires. The tire says it should be inflated to 40 psi. My gauge says one tire was 12 psi and the other tire was 15 psi. No wonder it was so hard to pedal. I pumped up the tires so we're ready to roll tomorrow.

Disbelief

A healthy young man I know died suddenly yesterday. I was shocked to hear the news. Sometimes poetry helps channel my grief, so here goes:


The phones that will not ring
Sit powerfully silent in their cradle.
We stare at the phone in disbelief
Comprehending, we’re not able.

We crave for a smart pat on the back
The long distance “Howdy” he would send.
The penalty box is out of service,
There are no more indiscretions to amend.

Would I have acted differently
If I knew that visit was our last?
His points, his water, the Twins, his night
Conversation routine, intense and fast.




His compliments were genuine
His laugh loud, whole-hearted.
Edgy, pushing the boundary
Of himself and what we wanted.

RIP

Lesson Learned - $48.09 is TOO MUCH!

What a glorious day today. I took my motorcycle for a spin around St. Paul. I thought about going downtown but after watching the 5 o'clock news, I'm glad I didn't do that. I was shocked at what the anarchists were doing. Anyway, the ride was pleasant. I rode around Lake Como and stopped at a sibling's house to see if the kids were ready for school. I probably put on 80 miles day - using up a whole gallon of gas! I'm so glad I got this motorcycle. I'm really having a good time. I brought my backpack to get groceries on my way home. I knew that what ever I got would have to fit in the backpack. In the cart, it didn't look like much. Except for a loaf of bread, I was able to fit everything in the backpack. Trouble was, I could not lift it to put it on. I had to ask the check-out clerk at County Market to help me put my back pack on. She had to come around the counter to lift it. "Are you on a motorcycle?" she asked. "I don't want you to tip over backwards." Great, another thing to worry about. I could not believe how heavy that back pack was. The bread went inside my jacket. All I had was some bananas, peaches, raspberries, some cheese, some fat-free half and half, an onion, some potatoes, a little container of low fat mayo. Oh, yeah, a liter of sugar free A&W. Give me credit - I knew I couldn't fit a 12 pack! I actually considered leaving the backpack behind the counter and coming back for it later. Lesson learned - don't buy so much stuff when shopping on a motorcycle. ,