Life Is A Journey

I've heard it said that life is a journey and I guess that is true.  Every day I get up, get dressed, and start down the road, plodding along.  When I was young I was on the road behind my older sister, my aunt, my cousins.  They were older and they made sure I knew it. Then a  new sister came along and I was AHEAD of her but still behind many, many people such as kids who went to school.  Then I went to school and I was ahead of the preschoolers. School has a structure that keeps you in tune to your rank on the journey.  First graders had all the savoir faire over us kindergarteners.  Eighth graders were the ultimate at my elementary school.  Then I went to junior high, my first public school as a 9th grader and boom, I was immediately at the top of that food chain.  After that was high school and I was at the bottom again until after 4 years of plodding down the road I was on top again.  College freshman are at the bottom again but I still had that structure to go by.  Once I graduated from college, the ranking became less definite.  I got a job.  Some people worked there longer than me so they were ahead.  Those friends who got married and had children were ahead of me.  When I got married and had kids, I don't think I really comprehended how far ahead that put me.  I remember the first time I called the school to tell them my first grader would be absent because he was sick.  When I hung up the phone I was amazed that they accepted me doing that.  I was adult enough to call in a school absence?  When did that happen?  Somehow I thought I would be questioned on my authority to say, "He's too sick to come to school."  How does the school secretary know I am worthy based only on what she hears on the phone?  One day I was up at my father's cabin  on Block Lake reading the newspaper.  I was 35 years old and I read an article about middle age.  To my utter horror, I realized that 35 is half of 70!  If 35 is half of 70 that means I am middle aged!  How did that happen? When did that happen?  Sitting on the red painted Windsor chair, my elbows resting on the flowered oil cloth tablecloth, I held my head in my hands and mourned the loss of  my youth. The age of 35 was the fulcrum of my journey.  Being ahead of others wasn't my goal anymore.  I adopted a new goal of having others ahead of me.  Now my kids are grown and living their adult lives and I keep plodding down the road.  I look at many of my friends and notice, and I don't mean this in a bad way, my friends are old!  Their age surprises me.  I don't know why I should be so surprised.  I look in the mirror every day and see the changes on my face, the gray hair, the wrinkles, the saggy neck.  Gravity is taking a toll.  My skin just isn't as able to fight gravity like it used to.  No one tells me I look young for my age.  I know I'm old but I didn't think my friends would get old when I wasn't looking.  I notice that there are fewer and fewer people on the road ahead of me.  When my grandparents died, a whole row of people moved off the road ahead of me putting me closer to the front of the pack.  Then a parent died.  Yikes, that puts me in THE NEXT row.  And those sisters and brothers who seemed SO FAR behind me when I was a child aren't so far behind me now because they have kids who are all grown up and own houses and have jobs.  Last week I talked to a woman I've known for 25 years. She is in her 90's now. She complained that she has no friends because they all died.  Earlier this week she died too.  Last week she was bubbly and laughing and full of life.  Her death puts me closer to the front of the pack.  I'm not in any hurry to get to the end of the road.  When I was young a woman's life expectancy was 72 so I have more than a decade left to go if I'm average.  I think my hours of exercising every week back further.  Every step up on the stair master is a step backward on the journey of life, right?  Exercise is supposed to be the fountain of youth?  I sure hope so because I will be majorly teed of if that is not true.