Boundary

This week I listened to a speech about boundaries-something that indicates a limit or extent.  He wasn't talking about fence lines or national boundaries but the boundaries between people-the line that says what is OK and what is not OK.  I am in the business of helping people.  Some of us come to this business because we have our own issues.  And if you are super busy helping others, you don't have to think about your own problems. Boundaries are difficult things to figure out in any job and more difficult in the helping professions.  I know people who have healthy boundaries and I know people who don't have healthy boundaries.  I know a person with healthy boundaries when I see them but to define how they act differently is difficult. I believe my boundaries have improved over the years.  I really wish I had heard a speech like this one many years ago when I first started working in this field. I have been able to see healthy boundaries and try to model those attributes.  This speaker made it crystal clear what healthy boundaries look like and how they can keep you out of trouble.  He described in detail how unhealthy boundaries affect human behavior, cause jealousy and create strife.  When I say in detail, I mean he gave us all the one fingered salute - and with both hands!  So I have been thinking about boundaries this week and it brought to mind a lunch I had at work several months ago.  I was innocently eating my lunch.  Part of my lunch included a serving of a certain yogurt peddled by Jaime Lee Curtis and advertised as part of a challenge.  I think you might know which yogurt I am talking about.  A guy came into the lunchroom.  I silently groaned but physically restrained my eyeballs from rolling.  If I come into the lunchroom and this particular guy is in there, I'll leave and come back later.  If he comes in when I'm already eating, I'm stuck with him and that is why I groaned in silence.  Groaning aloud would be rude.  He started talking. He talks incessantly.  This day he started talking about my lunch, about my yogurt, how it is advertised, how he sees it at the grocery store, and how it's not worth the extra money.  I really don't care what he thinks about my yogurt so I was silent but I knew another question was coming. I took another bite of food.  I knew he was going to ask so I was ready with my answer.  He's just that kind of person. I silently pleaded that he not ask this question. He asked, "How does that yogurt work for you?"  Two other people at the table just about spewed the food out of their mouths.  Their faces turned red and they looked down at the table. Because I was ready I said without emotion, "That is a very personal question," and went on eating.  I set a boundary with him.  I think I handled it very professionally and courteously.  He hasn't said much more about my lunch or asked any more personal questions so I think it worked.