Poached

I've always liked poached eggs but only at restaurants.  I never had the courage to try and make them at home until today.  Now that I've done it, I found out it wasn't as hard as I thought.  the trick is to get the water hot but not boiling - just below boiling is perfect. That isn't easy to do.  I ended up having to add cold water to get it right. Add a splash of vinegar to the water, get the water circling with your spoon and drop that egg in gently just above the water line out of a bowl.  Then watch as the circulating water keeps the egg white close together and the egg cooks.  I cooked mine 4 minutes but I could have gone longer.  I think if my egg was at room temperature before I cooked it, four minutes would have been about right.  I stood over the stove the entire four minutes, fascinated.  The egg white turned white and the entire mass stayed close to the bottom of the kettle.  The heat caused water currents that made the egg white move up and down similar to the flap of a manta ray.  Some ideas are best not to think about too long or I might gross myself out of a meal.

Fall Wildlife Festival at Sherburne National Wildlife Refuge

Today I volunteered to help at the wildlife festival at the Sherburne National Wildlife Refuge.  I drove up on my motorcycle and promptly shed many layers of clothes because the day warmed up quickly.  We had plenty of volunteers and it was fun to see people I know but I don't get to see very often.  I helped set up a children's craft table, monitored a speech, and answered a few questions but I had plenty of time to walk around and see the sights.  Stan Tekiela spoke.  He is the author of many books and a fascinating, hilarious speaker.  I listened to his talk on birds.  He talked about the red headed woodpecker and how their numbers have dropped 80% since the 1950's.  Another cavity dwelling woodpecker, the red bellied, is about the same size and their population has greatly increased in the last 50 years.  If they're both woodpeckers and they both live in cavities, why is one on the road to extinction and the other becoming more common?  He didn't have the answer but it is a good question.  I stood in line to get a ride on a hay wagon pulled by a couple of tired looking Percherons and that was great fun.  The big feet of the Percherons kicked dust about 6 feet ahead  as they plodded along.  The ride was fun though and I had a good time.  I took a new way home and got totally lost.  Getting lost makes the ride a little longer but much more enjoyable.

Bird of Paradise

Diana Abu-Jaber wrote Birds of Paradise, a novel about a family living in southern Florida.  Most of the book illustrates the picture of a family torn apart by the youngest child running away from home.  It isn't until close the end of the book that we find out why she ran away.  Her father, a real estate lawyer, her mother, a bakery owner, and her brother, an organic grocery owner, are all damaged by her absence.  The sister admired her brother for his commitment to his goals and beliefs. She tries to emulate that in herself and ironically, this is the reason why she won't come home again.  This is a fascinating story and the characters are vividly exposed.

Consensus

Consensus of the women in the break room today?  If men would wear a cologne that smelled like cinnamon raisin bagels just out of the toaster, we'd be all over that.

Noticing

Ferny forest floor in Thunder Bay, Ontario.

On every trip to the North Shore, I notice different things.  On this trip I paid attention to the northern range of the milkweed which turned out to be around Two Harbors.  Beyond that, from my speedy estimation, at least along the highway, there are no milkweed and no monarch butterflies.  I noticed the maples are not along the shore.  You have to drive to a higher altitude to find the beautiful, crimson sugar maples.  I also noticed, for the first time, that the shore is loaded with mountain ash trees.  The mountain ash berries were flame red and the compound leaves were intricate and showy.  How is it I never noticed them before?  Another thing I noticed is the lack of farms, fields and pastures between Duluth and the Canadian border.  Absolutely no agriculture is visible from the highway.  Why is that?  Is the ground so rocky and acid and steep that farming is impossible?  And how does the lack of agriculture affect the ecosystem?  If the land in unsuitable for farming, why did we see farms once we got across the border?  In Canada we saw pastures, beef, corn and soybean fields.  Is it because in Canada Highway 61 does not skirt the lake as closely as it does in Minnesota?  It is possible that I might find farms and pastures in Minnesota north of Duluth if I got off the highway and took some backroads farther up and away from the lake.

Howard Left

Howard has left, flown the coop, moved on to be the rooster of a new flock of chickens.  A sibling took him last night and moved him to his new home for me.  He was wanted as a stud.  Can you imagine?  A stud.  Well, he was a fine looking chicken.  This photo was taken several months ago.  He is much larger and finer looking now.  His comb was bright red and his feathers were shiny and full.  How my sibling finds people looking for rooster studs is beyond me.  She has connections.  Howard was just coming into his rooster hood at 4 months of age.  I know this because as I relaxed on the couch on Monday evening I saw him attack his reflection in the patio door.  He seemed quite shocked to run into the glass.  He hasn't started crowing yet.  I am sure Meredith and the girls will miss him.  I think it is better that he is gone.  He ate chicken feed but won't be able to give any eggs.  And the coop was getting quite crowded with 7 large chickens cuddling up together at night.  The coop is designed to hold only 5 or 6 poultry.  Oh, Howard, we hardly knew ye.  Cock a doodle gone.

Keeping Warm

Rocky Shore

Where we slept.

Camouflaged north shore rock.

Staying warm while camping is important.  If you get too cold you might pack it all in and go home or even get a hotel room.  I was concerned that we would get cold at night and that is why we brought 5 sleeping bags.  I slept in three.  I had my little orange fleece bag inside my new sleeping bag (good to 40 degrees Farenheit) inside my ancient green sleeping bag.  I wore long underwear, two tops, and smartwool socks.  All these coverings made turning over at night nearly impossible.  We had some chemical hand warmers with us but we never used them.  Instead we collected rocks on the shore, baked them over a campfire, wrapped them in old cloth napkins, and slept with them.  When we first went to bed, we were so happy with our rocks.  We cuddled the rock.  We put them by our feet or by our lower backs or even hugged them.  Our rocks were so cozy we whispered sweet nothings to them, "You are my rock!"  Once we got to sleep we didn't think much about the rocks at all.  But when we woke up toward morning and the rocks were cold, our cozy feelings disappeared.  Once the rock was cold we lost that cozy feeling.  It was like, "You are a rock.  Get out of my sleeping bag!"  The first night we slept with rocks from the shore near Gooseberry.  Since it is illegal to take plants, animals or rocks from a state park we put them back in the morning.  Offspring #2 carried our rocks back to their natural homes.  When she saw other hikers, she hid the rocks behind her back like a criminal.  She was worried about getting fined.   I, being unable to help myself, said loudly, "What is that you have behind your back?  Some rocks?"  She shot back, "You picked this rock, took it, cooked it, and slept with it!"  I was taken aback, never being accused of sleeping with rocks before.  We got away with our crime and committed the same crime that next night at Judge C. Magney state park. This time the rocks were wood rocks, not shore rocks, so they had sharper edges and not as fun to cozy up with.  We slept well on our trip.  We weren't cold when we slept and our tent (covered with a gazebo roof) did not leak.  Getting up  in the morning was another story.  That was cold.  I brought my snow pants, winter coat, hat, mittens and scarf.  Once I got all that on and warmed up, I didn't feel cold.  I didn't feel like I could bend or move but I didn't feel cold.

Fall Camping

Gooseberry Falls

Setting Up Camp

Split rock Lighthouse left of her head.

Beautiful hike at Judge C. Magney State Park

Sleeping Giant across the bay from Thunder Bay, Ontario

Offspring #2 and I went camping.  After lunch and a visit to Hawk Ridge in Duluth, we camped at Gooseberry State Park on Thursday.  We traveled north and camped at Judge C. Magney State Park on Friday and Saturday.  On Saturday we drove north to Grand Portage to visit the monument and then on to Thunder Bay Ontario to visit Fort William.  On Sunday we drove home again.  Sometimes the weather was rainy and cold but we ended up having a great time and seeing lots of beautiful fall colors.  We also saw sharp shinned hawks, red breasted nuthatches, lots of flickers up close, and clay colored sparrows.  A Franklin squirrel invaded our camp at Gooseberry and would not leave us alone until we ran after it.  At Fort William, as I stood next the wild rice threshing station listening to a native guide, a chipmunk played truth or dare and touched my tennis shoe three times!  We saw deer but no moose or bear or wolves.

Murder

I was quietly enjoying my dinner last night when I witnessed a murder.  Some black capped chickadees were enjoying the left-over canary food I had set out on my deck railing when Blammo!  A calico cat leaped up on the railing and grabbed a black capped chickadee.  I immediately yelled (again, another dollar to the swearing envelope) stood up and stomped off to the deck.  By then the calico cat and chickadee were halfway to the woods and all that was left was a pile of chickadee feathers.  Man, that really ticks me off.  I feel complicit in this crime.  I tempt the birds to come to my deck by putting food out and the stray cat takes advantage of my soft heart to commit murder.  I wish people would keep their cats inside the house.  One neighbor found a litter of kittens and felt sorry for them.  She provided them with shelter, food and surgical birth control.  But she lets these feral cats live outside and they must not be satisfied with what she feeds them because I see them prowling my yard for snacks.  The cats don't attack the chickens though, I'll give them that.  But I wasn't happy about them even before I witnessed the chickadee murder.  They've been using my yard as a cat box. My chickens disturb the ground right next to the house to take their dust baths.  They leave a strip of sand right against the building.  The cats come and do their business there.  One night I was awoken by a stench so bad, so evil and foul, it woke me up from a sound sleep.  A cat left a deposit right under the bedroom window.  An entire neighborhood is available and this is the spot it chose.  Cats.  I just don't like them.  Never have.

Sarcasma

from Bitsandpieces.com

Selected Shorts - A Celebration of the Short Story

I listened to this book on CD last weekend and I enjoyed every single story.  The performance of the actors and actresses reading the story aloud make the book so much more enjoyable.  Some of the readers I had never heard of before.  Stockard Channing read an Eudora Welty story.  She did a great job reading "Moving to the P.O."  Jerry Stiller read, "At The Anarchist's Convention" and he was very funny.  But my vote for the top performance goes to René Auberjonois's reading of "The Black Cat" by Edgar Allen Poe.  He was so over the top and he added a serious of murderous laughs that put chills down my spine.  I always enjoy being read to and this book was spell binding.

Some Pictures of Our Random Drive In The Country

This car suits her personality!

This is the Graves home at the Benton County "Bend In The River" park.  Notice it has the same style windows as the farm?  A sign says this is a Queen Anne style house popular and common for Minnesota farmhouses of the era.  This one was built in 1912.

St. John's Abbey - the sun was shining through the 3 windows.

An "Artist In Residence" built this pair of  twig homes outside St. John's University. 

Random Directions

My oldest friend and I went on an adventure yesterday.  I should clarify that she is not my oldest friend in age but the friend I have had for the most years.  She got a new car and we went for a drive.  She lives in St. Cloud.  Once she got us out of town we went in random directions.  Upon coming to an intersection we would decide which way to turn at random.  Sometimes the name of one street sounded better.  Dove Street, for example, sounded like a better choice than 190th.  Also 100th Avenue sounded better than 198th.  Any road with the word lake in the name was preferable.  Any roads with the word circle in them were to be avoided. Dirt roads were preferable over tar unless we needed a restroom.  We wandered the roads north of St. Cloud between Highway 10 and Highway 94 for several hours.  We had lunch in Avon at Joseph's restaurant.  Our only assignment was to collect some milkweed pods (for seed purposes and artistic purposes) and some cattails (because they're pretty to look at).  It's not so easy to pick out milkweed when you're driving by at 55 miles per hour in a brand new shiny red car.  We had a good time.  Eventually we did find milkweed pods and cattails.  Guess who ended up with sticky, white, bitter hands?  Me.  Thanks to the recent drought I was able to collect cattails without getting my feet wet.  We went through some towns I have never heard of before. One little town that we went through had a wedding going on.  We saw the priest filling up has car with gas at the gas station.  We saw the bride and the bridesmaids leaving the bar and walking across the street with beer bottles in their hands toward the reception hall. Saturday was a great day to go for a ride and spend time reminiscing with an old longtime friend.

All By Myself

I had a problem.  The motorcycle would not start.  Now the problem is solved. The motorcycle does start.  I fixed it all by myself. You should have seen me doing the happy dance in the garage last night.  The problem turned out to be the battery. I took the old battery out, brought it to Cycle Tek, learned the battery was crap, celebrated that, bought a new one, installed it and started the engine.  Truthfully I didn't do it all alone.  I had advice.  Some of the advice was helpful and some was not helpful at all.  But I am the one who sifted through the advice and got the problem solved.  And typing "removed the battery" and "installed the battery" is a lot easier than actually doing the work.  My hands got all greasy.  My knees got sore from kneeling on concrete.  I need to add two dollars to my swearing envelope. It wasn't as easy as replacing a car battery.  As I took the old battery out, I took photos with my camera in case I needed to look back and see how things went together.   The little bolts need to put in place below the battery posts before you carefully slide the battery in place.  I had it all hooked up and the covers all in place before I realized I forgot to hook up the battery tender so I had to take everything apart to put that back on.  Somethings I just need to learn the hard way.  And the best part is I had no (nada, none, zero) screws left over.  I highly recommend Cycle Tek in Spring Lake Park.  They told me what they thought the problem was.  They checked my battery free of charge and recycled it for me.  They could have made money by not helping me out.  Cycle Tek has honest mechanics working there.

Wishing and Dreaming

I met with a travel agent and a couple friends last night.  We were making plans, expressing dreams and listing wishes.  An exciting adventure may be in my future!

Giants In The Earth

Giants in the Earth is actually a quote from the Bible, Genesis 6:4 but is also the title of O. E. Rolvaag's book.  We discussed this book at book club last night and I could hardly wait for the discussion because I loved it.  This book goes in my top 30 favorite books I have ever read.  The author was born in Norway.  Although he was a poor student he went on to get a bachelors and masters degree from St. Olaf college.  Eventually he was  a professor at St. Olaf.  His son Karl went on to become a governer of Minnesota.  Rolvaag does a great job describing the beauty and the desolation of life on the prairie in South Dakota just west of Worthington, Minnesota.  He wrote the story in the Norwegian language and had it translated into English.  He wrote the story while living near the St. Olaf campus.  Norwegian immigrants homesteading and starting a new life had a hard time of it.  Wind, weather, drought, grasshoppers, illness, loneliness, poverty,  and the lack of schools made life unbearable for some settlers.  Others were more resiliant and thrived and prospered and were happy. The story is moving and powerful.  I was happy to hear this is the first of a trilogy so I will soon be reading Peder Victorious and Their Father's God.

Sick Battery?

On Labor Day I put 200 miles on my motorcycle riding from my house, to Zimmerman, to my house, to my brother's house, to Hastings, to my sister's house and home again.  It was a beautiful day for a ride and I had absolutely no trouble.  Plus I got to ride in a group of five which is always fun.  One of the members of the riding group had a battery that would not seem to hold a charge. Once his bike was turned off it would not start again without a push start.  It is no easy task to push a big Harley with a big guy on it fast enough to start it.  Whatever his problem was, I believe it might be contagious.  Possibly Deadbatteryitis.   The next day when I went to go to work on my bike, it was very slow to start.  I got it going finally and it started fine after work and again after working out at the gym.  But the next day and every subsequent day, it will not start. I've had the trickle charger on it and it will try to start for a few seconds and then click, click, click, click.  A friend tested the battery and it came out as 12.5 volts which should be enough to start it. The battery is 3 years old and that is about the lifespan of a motorcycle battery.  I could replace it but I am not sure that is the problem.  I talked it over with a local motorcycle repair shop that I trust.  They suggested I bring the battery in for them to test.  Even if it shows 12.5 volts on a voltmeter, that does not mean it doesn't have a short in it.  I can remove the battery myself and bring it in.  I hope that the battery is the problem and my motorcycle does not need an ambulance ride.  And I'm grateful it broke down in my garage and not out on the road somewhere.  I hate being stranded.

Wild River

On Saturday I went to a meeting of my Master Naturalist group.  We met at Wild River State Park which is slightly north and about an hour east from my house.  Kacee, the naturalist there, took us out in the prairie.  We identified species and collected seeds.  Ragweed was the most common plant at the edge of the prairie.  Once we got into it deeper we found Indian grass, Canadian rye grass, Big blue stem, little blue stem grass, whorled milkweed, prairie star, ground cherries (delicious - they taste like oranges), prairie clover, penstemon and goldenrod. The weather on Saturday was cool and very windy.  Once we got deeper into the prairie, the wind moved the big bluestem grasses around us.  For a while all I could see was grass and sky. This prairie, stuck between the northern pine forest and the southern hardwood forest, was formed by the sand left during glacier times when the St. Croix was a mile in width.  I filled my bucket with seeds so they could improve the prairie.  I also filled the pocket of my jeans with seeds so I could improve my little prairie in the yard on the east side of the house.  After that we had a group picnic.  At one point Wild River looked into getting a buffalo herd.  Unfortunately they don't have quite enough acres of prairie to keep a genetically healthy buffalo herd.  I understand a minimum of 68 buffalo are needed to keep the herd from interbreeding too much.  The prairie at Wild River is not quite large enough to keep 68 buffalo.  That would be something to see though.  Item to add to bucket list - see a herd of buffalo running.

Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

This historical fiction novel was written by Mary Ann Shaffer and Ann Barrows.  Shaffer did most of the writing and Barrows did the editing and rewrites.  The book is epistolary (told my a series of letters).  Juliet Ashton is the main character and she sets off to Guernsey to write a story about life during the 5 year German occupation of the British channel island during World War II.  Juliet's trip to Guernsey ends up changing the direction of her life.  Although the first chapter was difficult because so many characters were introduced, I'm glad I fought through that because I ended up really enjoying the story.  The Guernsey Literary society was made up to explain why some townsfolk were out after the German imposed evening curfew. To make the excuse valid they actually did start a book club. And a potato peel pie is something they actually ate when food was scarce and supplies ran low.  The crust of the pie was potato peels.  The pie filling was mashed potatoes sweetened with beets.  I heard this book will be made into a movie and Kate Winslet will portray Juliet.  I would go to see that.

I Followed A Camel Down the Road

I was driving down the road the other day and followed a trailer. Inside I could see a big head with a split upper lip weaving back and forth in front of the back window.  The head was up high like a horse and large in size like a cow but neither a horse nor a cow. Eventually I figured out it was a camel.  Now that's not something I see every day.  I knew there was a camel living in Ramsey but this is the first time I've seen it out and about.

Somebody's Birthday is Coming Up

Offspring #2 has a birthday coming up.  Here is a picture of her present which is supposed to look like a cat but turned out to be more owl-like in appearance.  I'm not a good gift wrapper but 4 foot tall gifts are especially difficult.

A Couple Random Pictures From The State Fair

This mossy horse was near the Snelling Avenue entrance.

This adventurous chicken thinks he's on a crotch rocket but it's really a 12 passenger van.

Saw this poem in the horse barn.  I like it when people take the time to make an awesome sign when a plain one could have gotten the message across. 

Birding on Labor Day

I got up early on Monday morning to meet a sibling and go birding at the Sherburne National Wildlife Refuge.  My goals were to see a gallinule and a dickcissel.  Turns out I saw neither one of those but we had a great time anyway.  We saw crows, ravens, sand hill cranes, kingfishers, a Tennessee warbler, common yellow throat, great blue herons, great egrets, eagles, harrier hawks, blue jays, crowds of red winged blackbirds, tree swallows, phoebes, great crested flycatchers, red necked grebe, possibly a yellow breasted chat, and ducks.  Ducks are hard to identify for me.  I know for sure we saw mallards but I'm not sure of the other ones were canvasbacks or scaup.  We saw a pair of ravens sitting in a dead tree.  One of them had something bloody in it's mouth-possible part of a frog or snake.  It was interesting watching the raven swallow that large morsel.  We saw a red necked grebe pop up out of the water like a submarine with a big, fat bullhead in it's mouth.  The bullhead was a good six inches long and the grebe struggled with it.  Sometimes the grebe would take the fish down under the water.  If it was trying to kill the fish by drowning it, that wasn't going to work.  The grebe popped up and down in the water struggling with the bullhead and gradually swimming away from us for about 5 minutes before it got the fish pointed head first and swallowed it.  Our most amazing nature sight was on a dead pine tree in the distance. The 30 foot pine tree had been dead a long time and had no needles on it but it still held that triangular shape.  Evenly distributed on the pine's branches were 17 great egrets.  And on the very top, like a Christmas tree topper, sat a great blue heron.  Each great egret sat tall so that if you blurred your eyes and ignored the lack of green color, it looked like a German Christmas tree adorned with white candlesticks.  And here I was without a camera.  Four other great egrets sat in a nearby dead oak tree.  Is it time for egrets to prepare for migration already?  I'm not ready to let them go yet. 

Hilarious

My mailbox is on the lower left.

After a week of vacation, my mailbox at work was nearly full.  Job security - paperwork is good!  Some joker put a paper gauge on my mailbox.  Oh, the hilarities!

Lake Time

The rock I would sit on as a kid.

Arrowhead blossoms

Arrowhead leaf.

Last week when I was up north, I had three chances to take the kayak out and explore Block Lake.  I paddled around the lake several times, soaring past rocks where I used to sit, fish, and meditate when I was a child.  I cut some cattails to take back to the farm.  I saw turtles, gulls, bald eagles, kingfishers, great blue herons, blue jays and tree swallows.  On Thursday night I parked myself halfway between the point and Petey's Bay.  On my left I watched the sun sink below the horizon.  On my right I saw the blue moon rising.  I waited for a good half hour to see the sun set.  The wind died down and the water became magically still.  I leaned back and put my feet out on top of the kayak, folding my hands behind my head.  I felt totally at ease, free of tension, and completely 100% happy.

Paint Job

The barn needed paint.

The barn painted

The house painted

The boom we rented was a lifesaver.

I helped paint a barn and a farm house last week.  We started on Tuesday morning an finished by Thursday afternoon.  We started on the barn thinking we could learn how to use the sprayer on the barn so we could do a better job spraying the house.  Both buildings had very little paint left on them.  We had to do a lot of scraping.  With the right equipment (a boom and a sprayer) and the right team work, we got the job done.  We finished the white paint on the barn and one side of the house the first day.  We thought we might get done with the boom by the second day and save ourselves a little money but the house was a lot more tedious and particular than a barn.  Previously both buildings were all white.  We added black trim to the windows and whatever those black support beams are under the roof.  We called them gables but I don't think they are gables.  Can you see them in the lower picture?  There are five black "gables" up near the roof.  I thought they were cool architectural features and should be emphasized.  The windows had thick trick around them and each was topped with a mantle like board so we painted those black too so they would stick out.  I painted standing, on tiptoes, kneeling, sitting, crouching, lying prone, lying on my back, left-handed and right-handed.  We had four workers the first two days and five workers the third day.  We worked hard but we also had tons of fun.  Why was this huge chore fun?  One was the team work.  When one person's feet got tired standing on a ladder, we switched to riding in the boom for a while.  When another person got tired of running the sprayer and wearing paint riddled safety glasses, we switched to painting form a ladder or the roof of a porch.  We all got along. We all offered suggestions and encouraged each other.  Every once in a while someone would yell, "Hello" or "Fabulous" and the others would echo the word.  We gave each other sincere compliments.  We played the radio and sang along and sometimes danced along to the music. The camaraderie made it fun.  And the golf cart made it fun.  Need an extension cord and it's over by the barn?  It's a fun chore to go and fetch it when you can ride the golf cart.  Being up in the boom was a little scary.  As I faced the peak of the barn with the sprayer in my hand, I dared not look down or around.  As long as I face my work and concentrate on the paint, I wasn't afraid.  Adding the black accent meant some precision was necessary.  I would load up my brush just perfect and prepare to paint a straight line across a window frame when the wind of movement of my partner would shift the boom and my brush did not end up when I had it pointed.  But we did pretty well.  I never got so tired that my work was imprecise.  And in the evening after cleaning up the equipment and putting everything away, I still had enough energy to throw the kayak in the car and paddle around the lake for a while.  This is the second house and first barn I have ever painted.  I think we did a good job.  I hope it weathers well.

Don't Use Pipe Dope

I spent the week at my Dad's farm with my family.  We painted the house and the barn.  We arrived on Monday but didn't really get started until Tuesday.  One sibling and I were down in the cellar trying to figure out how to work the water softener.  For some reason, this house has two water softeners; one tan and one blue.  Both water softeners are connected.  The household water runs through both appliances.  It's confusing.  Which machine should we run?  Which machine takes the bag of salt?   We stood looking up at the pipes when my sibling says, "What kind of sign is this?  Rude!"  I look up to see a water filter suspended from the ceiling with a warning - DO NOT USE PIPE DOPE.  I smile as I explain that pipe dope is a product designed to seal plumbing connections.  The sign isn't rude.  Twenty four hours later I am back in the same vicinity washing the paint out of 5 paint brushes in the laundry sink.  I glance up and see that sign.  A giggle bubbles up in the area of my hips, rises through my torso, and before I know it I am laughing out loud.  Don't use pipe, dope!  I laugh out loud as I finish getting white latex paint out of the brushes and hang them up to dry.  I come up the stairs laughing.  Someone asks, "What is so funny?"  I snicker, "A sign!"  I can't talk I am laughing so hard.  Who would take a printed sign like this so seriously?  So personally?  Manufacturers don't insult their clients openly.  For the next ten minutes I can't breathe properly.  My stomach hurts.  Tears are coming out of my eyes.  Don't use pipe dope.  OMG.  Hilarious.  It sure feels good to laugh hard.