Smokey's Pants Fall Down!

On Friday Offspring #2 and I went to the Minnesota State Fair.We got free tickets because we signed up to be Smokey the Bear.  I took the 11-1 shift and Offspring #2 took the 1-2 pm shift. After viewing Johnny, the biggest pig, some other farm animals, and a showing of alpacas we headed over to the International Village for breakfast.  I had Lo Mein and Offspring #2 had fried rice. As we sat at the picnic table Offspring #2 suddenly yelled the name of her uncle. There he was with his son walking by. They joined us.  Soon another sibling came with one of her offspring and two offspring of a different sibling. Then came another offspring of another sibling with her friend. It was an impromptu family reunion.  We had to get going to be ready for our shift.  I met two people I knew outside the DNR building. One I knew from work and the other one organized the awesome camping trip I went on a week ago.  We went upstairs and signed in to do our job.  I donned Smokey's big pants and his hairy legs.  I put on the vest with the eight pockets that held freezer packs.  Then Offspring #2 put the torso over my head. As I reached my hands into Smokey's paw I noticed one of my fingers came through.  Oh, this wasn't good. Smokey should not be flipping anybody the bird. Offspring #2 noticed that the pants did not match the torso. The pants had six pieces of velcro but the torso only had two pieces of velcro.  One of the DNR workers came over.  It was Janine! This is the woman about whom I had extremely strong feelings two years ago when I tried to sign up for the frog and toad survey.  She spoke to me about going across the street to the Kare 11 booth and being on television with the Minnesota Wild mascot.  For the life of me I could not process what she was saying because she was Janine! The Minnesota Wild?  What is that? Soccer? Football?  I could not think but I smiled and nodded my head as if everything she was saying was being processed in my brain. I descended the steps and put on the Smokey head and hat and went out there to enjoy one of my favorite hours of the year.  I started waving immediately.  Kids came to get hugs.  Adults came for selfies. Offspring #2 helped me out and gave away Smokey the Bear swag to the children.  I heard someone say, "Smokey's pants are falling down."  Suddenly Offspring #2 is grabbing my belt and Janine is grabbing my crotch.  It is time for me to go across the street to the Kare 11 stage. Janine says she is going to get some pins to keep my pants up.  Offspring #2 leads me across the street. Kids want hugs but are told Smokey has to do some PR work now and will be back soon.  I feel my belt being pulled up again and I step up on the curb.  I see the other mascot and it is a couple feet taller than I am. I hear music and start dancing. Offspring #2 whispers to me that if I dance my pants will fall down again so please stand still.  I can't stand still. I am Smokey the Bear.  I try to dance from the waist up.  I am led into a big room.  People are sitting on bleachers looking at the stage.  Someone hands me a fly fishing rod so I hold that.  I start to walk forward to wave at the people in the bleachers. I feel someone holding me back. Offspring #2 has me by the belt and pulls me backward so I don't walk in front of the television camera.  Suddenly Janine is back. She and Offspring #2 are grabbing my torso and my belt trying to pin my pants up. I try to stand still so I don't get poked but it is hard for a bear to stand still in front of an audience.  I am led to the stage. There are two steps up to get on the stage. I am told to go up the steps. I am told to stay on the floor. Later I am told to go up the steps.  I grab arms and go up the steps.  People are reading the weather report. A group of kids is on the stage and the meteorologist goes from person to person as they predict each hour at a time.  I try to stand still so as not to take the attention away from the weather readers.  Eventually the weather report is over.  I leave the stage and go back to the DNR grounds where Smokey the Bear belongs.  I love being Smokey.  As I walk around the fish pond we meet one family with two young children.  The father gives me a creepy vibe when he says he has his bear license and is going hunting next week.  I walk away from that guy. When my hour is up I reluctantly go in the stairwell and Offspring #2 removes my head.  I chug down some water and walk up the stairs in my big feet.  I learn that my pants are pinned on with state fair buttons. Smokey had state fair buttons around his belt loops pinned into his fur.  That had to look funny.  We put the clothes away and we have about a half hour to eat before it is time to suit up again. For lunch I have risotto poppers and Offspring #2 had earth wings (deep fried cauliflower with BBQ sauce). Then Offspring #2 puts on the costume. This time they want Smokey to enter a fly fishing contest with a Wild player at the DNR stage.  By now I understand that Wild is a hockey team. The idea is to land the pink fly at the end of the line between two pieces of PVC pipe shaped like a "V." The game is rigged. Smokey's rod doesn't have enough line out to even make it to the V.  I shout encouragement like, "Close!  Move a little to the left." Smokey can't even see what Smokey is doing but tries hard waving the fly rod back and forth through the air.  I see that one of the safety pins we used to keep Smokey's pants up has sprung open. A sharp pin shines in the dark brown fur.  I fix the safety pin as discretely as I can. Eventually the contest is over and I lead Smokey over to the fish pond. I give away all the Smokey swag pretty quickly but I am still carrying the empty red bucket. Three times people tried to put dollar bills into the bucket.  They think I am collecting money for Smokey the Bear!  I tell them I am not collecting money and sorry for the misunderstanding.  Smokey is not a panhandler for crying out loud but this does give me an idea for a future way to make a living. The safety pin snaps open again and I fix it again.  Smokey takes a break to drink some Gatorade and I try my best to pin those jeans up securely. We go back outside for more hugs and pictures.  The pin breaks again.  We decide to hang it up a little bit early because those pants will just not stay up.  Inside the building we talk to another volunteer who was Smokey the Bear earlier in the week.  His pants fell down during the parade. For the entire fair the pants on Smokey have been falling down.When they had the suits dry cleaned the torso's got stored with the wrong pants.  The correct pants are in a trailer somewhere on the fair grounds but no one goes to get them. One would think the people who work there would solve this problem or at least tell the volunteers about it before they go out in public in the inadequate costume.  Why not go out and buy a set of diaper pins and set them beside the costume with a note explaining the situation.  I do not know.  After filling out water bottles we sign out and leave the DNR building.  We wander up the hill drinking water and making plans.  The parade goes by so we watch the parade. Some of the high school band members look so sad as they walk by I suspect the entire unit is depressed. I wave at the people in the parade anyway. As we approach the creative arts building we see my brother in law and nephew again.  We talk for a time before separating. We enjoy the 4H displays.  I wish I knew how to sew so I could make a quilt someday. We see the blue ribbon winners of jellies and pies and cookies. I am suddenly hungry for a cookie. We wander through the fine arts building. We decide to have a slice of pizza.  I find it hard to walk and eat so I sit on a park bench to eat my pizza. Two people I know from work walk by so we talk to them for a time.  We decide we'd like to sit and listen to music so we go to the Leinie lodge to relax for a spell.  Offspring #2 has a beer and I have a dry red wine. We enjoy the music. I text my brother and he is at the fair too. Suddenly my niece appears so we walk with her to find her father. We meet up with him at the administration building. I pose for a photo in the back seat of the squad looking sad as if I had been arrested.  After chatting for a time the three of us walk around.  We share some french fries.  I am not really hungry but, you know, hot french fries right there - we might as well eat them while they are hot. We shop for a time but don't find anything worth buying. We stop to watch a percussion/tap dancing couple of men perform. The two men are great but the children in the audience as fun to watch too.  The two year olds are throwing a beach ball back and forth. Sometimes the music makes them try to dance and they are simply adorable. A barefoot little girl with dark hair dances by herself. A three year old boy with green shoes and a green shirt dances too. A two year old blond girl with pig tails sticking out of her head gets tired of dancing. She lies down on the cement on her side and rests. By now we have been at the fair for eleven hours.  The clouds in the sky look ominously ready to rain. We decide to take the bus back to our car. Our niece wants to stay for three more hours so she heads over to a dining hall where a friend of hers is working.  Except for the pants falling down we had a great day at the fair!