Good Grief!

Last night I went to a grief group. A  lady at my gym told me the group had been helpful to her more than the other resources she tried. The first half of the two hour class was a lecture by a man who taught grief classes at various colleges and institutions. He was a good speaker. He spoke of a hypothetical man or woman who lost a spouse. That person is more than a widow or widower. He spoke of a man who had a great marriage of  over fifty years, a successful career, a lovely home that he maintained himself, and two grandchildren. He had a very happy life. In the span on one year his wife contracted a terminal illness and died, his employer let him go because he reached the mandatory retiring age, and his son moved out of state taking the grandchildren with him. Since he had lost so much he felt that his house, once his pride and joy, was huge and empty and sad so he sold it. This man's grief was much more than just loosing a spouse. As a coping mechanism our speaker suggested we get a spiral notebook.  One the first page write the question, "What have I lost?' He suggested we leave 15 blank pages after that  question because when you loose someone close, you lost more than just  that person. For some people they also lost a best friend or financial security or a shoulder to cry on or the only person on the planet who knew all their secrets. He said it can take  years to fully realize what all you have lost when someone dies.  And until you process all that you have lost, you remain stuck  in grief, spinning your wheels and not progressing. On the 16th page he suggested you answer the question, "What do I still  have?" Leave many pages for this question too because as you pass through the rougher stages of grief you can come back to it and get comfort from what you have written. The third and final question is "What can I do with what I have?"  After the lecture we broke into small  groups of 4 to 6 people.  There was only one sibling group. Most of the groups were spouses. In my group I had 3 other people. One  had lost a sister, one had lost a brother, and the third one  had lost both a sister and a brother. We talked  for a full hour about our situations. As I  drove  home I felt better. Knowing I am not alone; realizing that people loose siblings all the time, gave me some peace of mind. This grief  group runs four more times and I think I will go again.