That's All I Can Stand-I Can't Stands No More!

One black walnut tree is available. First come first serve. Actually Offspring #2 wants to harvest it. She knows of a company that will mill the wood and sell it - some non-profit company that she did some consulting work for. Wood From The Hood is the name of it. This tree has got to go. Maybe if my tree qualifies I could hire them to fabricate a custom product and recoup the cost of the tree cutting. I think this tree is too large and too close to the house for just anyone to cut down. This weekend the tree attacked me. I was innocently trying to obtain water from my rain barrel when a breeze came up and two dozen fresh walnuts came pounding down around me. I was so scared I covered my head and got rain water all over my legs. Luckily I was not injured. The walnuts land with such a thud they leave little dents in the grass. I think it is possible that a black walnut tree could break a sunroof on a car if not leave dents in the hood. I found it impossible to even walk on the sidewalk. Have you ever tried to walk under an apple tree in the fall?  A walnut tree is worse.  Apples give a little.  Walnuts do not give to the weight of a human AT ALL. Tonight I had to check on my chickens in the dark and I chose to go the long way around the house even though it was raining just so I wouldn't have to walk on the walnuts. I forgot (hold  on a minute here. I have to go lock my garage door. Never mind) to come back the same way and found to my great dismay that my rain gutter above my rain barrel fell off. The barrel remains upright. Sonofagun! Do I know for sure the walnut tree knocked the gutter off? No, but my only other suspect is a school board candidate who left a flyer on my door and I don't think knocking off a gutter is a political move. Am I going to fix the gutter in the dark and the rain?  No. I'll fix it tomorrow when at least it will be light and hopefully not raining. I always kinda liked the idea of a rain chain anyway instead of a gutter right there. I saw rain chains in Africa and I thought they were cool. I have a hunk of chain in my garage that my Grandfather forged. I have a feeling it might be the perfect length too. That tree is toast. I have put up with it's killer instinct long enough.  The darn tree tries to kill all the plants near it with it juglans poison. Grass can hardly grow under it.  Lily of the valley is the only plant that seems to like it besides wild blackberry. I paid to have it trimmed a couple years ago and already it's touching the roof again. The stupid walnuts are probably wrecking my shingles. It looks healthy.  Some times when trees put out an enormous amount of fruit they are about to die. My plum tree did that.  One year my plum tree was loaded with plums and then it kicked the bucket and was  not alive in the spring.  If this walnut tree dies on its own I would be happy. I am more mad at the black walnut tree right now than I am at the buck thorn and the amur maples. I must remember that feelings are temporary. I won't be as angry once I get my rain chain up.